While going through my saved ‘Drafts’ today, I found this blog I had written the night my mom had a massive heart attack a few years ago. Re-reading it, brought that horrible day back to life for me, but every word I wrote stands true to this day.. I never shared it before, so here goes nothing!
“As I sit here in this cold and dreary hospital room, my mind wandering in countless directions, I can’t help but thank God that this uncomfortable chair is my bed tonight. The ceiling light is barely grazing your face and for the first time in the last 12 hours, you look peaceful and satisfied. If I didn’t know it, I wouldn’t think that you just survived a heart attack.
Today was the scariest day of my life. When I got the message that something was wrong with you, my world stopped. The only thing I could think about was getting to you. I had no idea what to expect when I walked in to the emergency room, but with all the nurses and doctors crowded around your bedside, I feared that something was seriously wrong.
You won’t remember this because of all the medications they gave you, but we prayed together. Just you, me, and the Chaplain. I held your hand, as you held his and we asked God to be with you. When the prayer was over, you looked at me and cried out, “I’m so scared.” I kissed your head and told you I loved you. I promised that everything would be okay. I remember standing there, feeling helpless as I watched them take you away. I could feel my eyes swelling with tears, but I fought to hold them back until you were out of sight. I couldn’t let you see me break down, I needed to be strong for you. I wanted so badly for someone to wake me up from this horrible nightmare and eventually you did. It felt like an eternity before it was over, but when the doctor came out and told us that you had suffered a massive heart attack, but that the surgery successful and you were now stable, it was like nothing else in the world mattered.
Your strength is so inspiring. Your courage is relentless. You are the most brave person I know and that is why you are my hero. Growing up people always used to say, “your mother is (or will become) your best friend”. I’d just roll my eyes and laugh. I couldn’t imagine that the person that took my cell phone away or grounded me for weeks would ever become my ‘friend’, but they were right.
I couldn’t imagine my life without you. God only knows where I’d be today if I didn’t have you by my side throughout the years. For as long as I can remember, it’s always been you and I against the world. No matter what obstacles life has thrown our way, you’ve always had my back and I’ve had yours. We may fight like cats and dogs at times and occasionally party like sisters, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Thank you for being the fighter you are and inspiring me in more ways than one. From beating cancer to surviving a massive heart attack, this was just another bump in the road for you. Once again, you have shown your resilience. You are my rock and I am forever thankful that you are a warrior. I love you most, Mom.”