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This Is Not Where My Story Ends: Giving Up Is Not An Option.

Life has a crazy way of kicking us when we’re down, doesn’t it? We’ve all heard the saying, “When it rains, it pours..” and I’m sure most of us have probably even used it a few times ourselves. Sometimes life can be so overwhelming, so exhausting, but that’s just all part of the journey. Nobody ever said that it was going to be easy. 

When I was young, just a pre-teen, babysitting my brothers and neighborhood kids, I dreamed of the days that I would grow up and become a mother, taking care of my own children. As I rocked my youngest brother to sleep, I’d fantasize about what my house would look like and how my life would be in the years to come. I imagined myself and my husband like most other girls my age did, everything fell perfectly into place and I got my happily ever after ending. I always joked that I wanted three kids and two dogs. I had it all planned out. It was picture perfect and over the years, I kept faith that my hopes would someday become my reality.

I’d like to think that I’m blessed with my relationship, I found a man that exceeded all my expectations and we make a great team. It’s a safe bet to say that we appear to be just like any other couple our age, from the outside looking in. Strangers would probably never guess what we’ve been through in the six, almost seven, years that we’ve been together. Overall, we’ve created a great life for ourselves, but my dream of my picture perfect family hasn’t quite come together just yet though. It’s not because we haven’t been close, because damn it, we’ve been so close more times than I’d like to admit, but unfortunately, we have yet to successfully welcome a child into this world that we can hold in our arms forever. In fact, this part of the plan has been nothing short of complicated, but this is not where our story ends.

I’ve had countless people ask me if we were going to be trying again and then proceed to ask me how I could ever “want to put myself through that again”. I’ve been repeatedly asked how I’m not “afraid” of possibly losing another baby and I’ve even had people say, “there’s always adoption!” as they continue to to tell me how crazy and selfish I would be, if I were to get pregnant again. I’ve literally heard it all. 

Let me start by saying, thanks for your input and excuse my language, but fuck off. If you’ve never gotten a positive pregnancy test, only to be told that there is no heartbeat; if you’ve never had baby showers or gender reveals only to be left with unopened and unused presents; if you’ve never felt a baby kick from the inside, only to hold it’s still and silent body in your arms just a couple weeks later; if you’ve never been through the loss of a child, then you have no idea what I need to do or how I should proceed with the decisions I make in my life and you will never understand the internal battle that I have with myself every single day.

Every time I’ve gotten a positive pregnancy test, my longing to have a living child has grown that much more. My motherly instincts kick in and I instantly become overwhelmed with emotions. I fight to not get my hopes up, but it’s close to impossible not to. I cry in fear of what may happen and I pray to God for guidance and a healthy baby. Every single time, it’s an emotional rollercoaster. 

To answer your question, hell yes I am terrified of losing another baby. I spend more time than not worrying about all the things that could go wrong, but to me, every single aspect of it, is more than worth it, if it means I’ll get my rainbow baby someday. I don’t regret a single pregnancy, because I felt a happiness and an unconditional love for each baby, that I never even knew existed. I don’t have anything ‘wrong’ with me nor have I been diagnosed with something that would prevent me from ever having a healthy child, so I will continue to take the chance and try for my forever baby. If that makes me crazy and selfish, then so be it.

Pregnancy is not always easy and I don’t just mean the awful morning sickness or the backaches that come along with it. You see, getting pregnant isn’t just an ‘oops!’ for everyone. It takes some couples thousands of dollars in treatments and medications before they are finally blessed with a child. For others, staying pregnant is one of the biggest challenges that they may ever face and sometimes, there just isn’t an explanation as to why. So before you question or judge someone else, try to put yourself in their place, it may not make sense to you, but it doesn’t have to. Giving up is just not an option, staying strong is the only choice I’ve got. 

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The Life of A ‘Loss Mother’..

​1 in 4. It’s that common. Did you know that more than 500,000 pregnancies each year end in miscarriage? Over 23,600 babies are born sleeping a year in just the United States alone. So many parents are affected by the loss of a child and some families have even suffered from multiple losses. These statistics may seem minuscule in the big scheme of things, because every time you scroll through Facebook or refresh your Instagram feed, it seems like yet another person has announced that they’re expecting, but roughly 19% of the adult population has experienced the loss of a child. Regardless of what stage of pregnancy the loss occurred or how much time the parents were given with their child before they had to say goodbye, there are no words to fully describe the pain that is felt throughout life after that loss. There is said to be 7 billion people in this world and roughly, 1.33 billion are parents who have to go through life without their child (or children). So tell me, why is it not talked about? Why do so many parents feel so alone and hide their stories amongst themselves, when there are over one billion other people in the world who have been in similar situations and are familiar with the grief that takes over, when a child is taken far too soon? 

I am a loss mother. To my fellow loss parents, I know the heartache and the pain all too well and I am here to tell you that you are not alone. I have held back and kept quiet. I have shut myself out from the world. I have been bitter and I have pushed those that are closest to me away, because I didn’t know what else to do. There is no ‘right’ way to grieve. Death affects us all differently and it’s only natural that we find our own ways to cope with it. However, from my personal experience, I learned that not talking about it did not help. Not sharing my story, my life, didn’t change the fact that my heart is forever hurting. I was suffering alone, but that didn’t make my situation any less real. Regardless of if I held it all in and cried myself to sleep for months without ever telling a single soul or if I post novels on Facebook sharing my every emotion, I am still a loss mother and nothing is going to change that.

No two stories are the same; we may have faced different challenges, but we have one thing in common, the longing for our child(children) to be in our arms. The struggles we face as loss parents, never go away. For days, months, and years to follow, we are haunted by the fact that this is our harsh reality. If you are a loss parent or you know or love someone that is, try to remember the following things, when you see that they are having a rough day: (Trust me, they happen and sometimes the grief will hit like a ton of bricks.)

You don’t have to know what to say.

We don’t expect you to, because honestly, there is nothing that anyone can say to ease the pain. Sometimes we just need to know that someone is there to listen and to hold us while we cry.

Don’t be afraid to ask.

Chances are we are waiting for the opportunity to talk about our children. Talking about them keeps their spirit and memory alive and that’s all we have left, so ask us about them. I bet you’ll see the light in our eyes when we start describing the most intimate moments and reminiscing about the sweet little angels they are.

It takes time.

Everyone is different and we all grieve differently. Time does not heal all wounds, because some were just not meant to be healed. The hole in a loss parent’s heart is forever.  I know the emotional rollercoaster ride may seem never ending at times, but we will get there, when we get there and that’s okay.

Blame. It’s going to happen.

As a loss parent, it is impossible not to feel at fault. “What did I do wrong?” “What could I have done differently?” “How could I let this happen?” “I was supposed to protect my child and I failed.” It’s hard, so, so hard, but it is no one’s fault. We don’t always understand the plan that’s in place for us, but we’re not supposed to. Sometimes there is just no justification for when, where, how or why things happen.

Patience is a virtue.

There will be days when it takes everything we have just to get out of bed and change into semi-presentable clothes. There will also be those days where there are more tears than there are words spoken. There will be sleepless nights and a loss of appetite, but be patient. Figuring out how to put the pieces back together isn’t an easy task, but having support to stick it out through the dark days, makes it seem less impossible.

Tomorrow is another day.

Some days smiling comes easy. Our hearts are full of hope and faith. The memories we have bring joy and we are overcome with happiness because of the unconditional love the we felt from our little ones. Signs of our angels will appear in the craziest ways, letting each of us know when our babies are near. Those are the good days. They may be few and far between, but when they happen, it’s a reminder that we are going to be okay, that we are going to make it.

The journey of life after loss is just that, a journey. Every day is a challenge, but it is another day closer to being with our children again. Pregnancy, infant, and child loss are so common all over the world and the more we open up about it, the more we can come together. Losing a child doesn’t make someone any less of a parent; they just become an extra special kind, because their child is an angel. Share your story or be a listening ear. Let’s break the silence.

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I Found My Faith In You.

The news channels are constantly filled with tragedies and sadness these days, from murders and robberies to different disasters occurring all over the world; yet, in the midst of all the chaos and madness going on, I have found my piece of faith in you little one.

You see, right now you’re still growing and you’re still developing. You are completely unaware of what’s happening all around us. Your innocent eyes have yet to witness pain and your pure heart knows nothing but the love that your daddy and I express to you daily. To you, crime and evil don’t yet exist and I wish more than anything, I could keep it this way forever.

You know, I have a huge job lying ahead of me, as your mommy.. There are so many things I’ve jotted down in journals and lists I’ve made in random notebooks, in order to try to remember everything that I want to teach you. But as I sit here, thinking about all that is going on in the world, something became very clear to me..

All the lists, the notes, the ideas that I’ve come up with, in hopes to help you grow into an amazing man, are nothing compared to what I need to show you about cherishing each and every moment of your life. Sure, you’ll need to know your ABC’s and how to count to 100. Your daddy will teach everything important about how to throw the perfect spiral and hitting a line drive that not even Brandon Phillips can catch, but at the end of the day, on top teaching you all the necessary hacks to life, I hope I can show you how to love..

​You’re going to be told the same thing for the rest of your life, that “time goes faster than you think,” but trust me, it really does. So love hard and love passionately while you can, because things won’t always be the same. Your friends will probably change like the seasons, but you’ll meet the select few that will stick by your side through thick and thin. Your favorite sport will change as you realize which one you’re better at or maybe you won’t even like sports at all. Everything that seems to make sense one day, will make you feel scatter-brained the next, but that’s okay.

Hold on to each moment that you’re given, even the struggles, because although it may seem like your world is crashing down at the time, when you look back, you’ll see how every obstacle you faced had a part in shaping you into the perfect gentleman that I know you’re going to be. Spend your life doing whatever it is that makes you happy. Make memories with anyone. No, actually make memories with everyone, because there will come a time when memories are all that are left. I know I’ve told you a lot of things, most that you won’t understand for a little while longer, but I have one more request of you..

Always remember that you are my entire life and that is the one thing that will never change. When things get tough and when you want to give up, don’t. I can’t promise you that this life will always be easy but I can promise you that we will face it together, because you will always be my baby.

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To The Girl Who Lost Herself In The Midst of The Chaos.

Listen, I get it. I totally do. We’ve all been there before. You didn’t ask to fall for him, it just kind of happened. But when the honeymoon stage has faded and the ‘fairytale’ has ended and you finally see his true worth, no excuse that you give me is enough for me to think that you should stay in this toxic relationship and here’s why..

“I don’t want to be alone.”
Since when did being ‘single’ become being alone? You’re only alone if you sit in the house and mope around thinking about and missing him. You have friends and family that love you and chances are they miss you, a lot, especially since most of your time has been spent with him recently anyway. Go out and have fun. Be the twenty-something year old you are and enjoy it while you can.

“I’m comfortable.”
Change is not always a bad thing. If you think about it, change is all around us and year after year things change, it’s a part of life. Just because you’re used to not being happy, doesn’t mean that it’s right. Plus, getting rid of him will be a good kind of change. You’ll no longer have to worry about pleasing anyone but yourself and we all deserve to be a little selfish sometimes.

“I’ve already put in too much time and effort.”
EXACTLY. This is a prime example of why you need to run away while you can. When it’s true love and it’s real, it won’t take months (or years) to make it work. It will just happen. Why spend even more of your time putting forth effort with a boy that isn’t doing the same for you? A relationship should always be 100/100. If you’re not getting what you give, it’s time to move on.

“He will change.”
Oh really? I mean, I guess I could totally believe this if I hadn’t already heard it a million times before. You cannot force him to change. A person will only change when they are ready and they see it fit. If he doesn’t want to change- and obviously he doesn’t given the last 20 chances you’ve given him- you can kiss that thought goodbye, because it’s not going to happen.

“I love him.”
Ever heard the saying, if you love someone let them go? It’s pretty accurate if you ask me. Loving someone, loving the idea of someone, is not the same as being in love with someone. When you are in love, you are fully committed to that person. You will find the good in their flaws and you will love them even on their bad days. Does he do this for you? I doubt it, because if he did, people would be able to see it from the outside and you wouldn’t feel the need to justify why you’re dating him.

“I don’t want to hurt him.”
If you’re still with him after all that you’ve been through, that just shows how big of a heart you have. Not many girls would stick around the way you have and that’s because you care about others so much, but he is not your problem. It is not your job to ‘help’ him. You are not his mother. He didn’t care to hurt you, did he? If you’re not happy, then staying isn’t fair. Sure there are times that you’ve been happy over the course of your relationship, but you deserve to be happy every single day.

I know it’s hard to believe, but at the end of all of this, you will be okay and you will be stronger than you’ve ever been before, but you need to let go. You’re never going find the man that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated if you continue holding on to the boy who doesn’t appreciate you. It will be difficult at first but it will get easier. I promise. One day, you will wake up and look in the mirror and you will be proud of the courage you’ve gained by simply walking away. You will learn to love yourself again.

So let goMove on. Find the girl you lost in the midst of all this chaos. She’s still there and she will be even better than ever before if you let her.

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A Letter To My Unborn Child.

Dear Little One, 

    We have yet to look into each other’s eyes and I have yet to hold you in my arms, but it’s crazy because somehow, I feel as if I already know exactly who you are. It’s only been a handful of weeks since you became a reality, but in that short amount of time, you have changed my entire world. We haven’t officially been introduced yet, but over the next several months, we will continue ‘growing’ together, as will the bond that we have already formed, and before long, you’ll know exactly who I am, you’re mommy.

    Saying those words makes my heart fill with so much joy and excitement. I cannot wait to feel your kicks and movements as you are developing in my tummy. I cannot wait to start shopping and spoiling you to ensure that we are fully prepared (but no worries, because that won’t stop once you’re actually here). I know the days will get longer and the nights of sleeping that I enjoy so much will soon become a thing of the past, as you take a toll on my body, but I am beyond ready for this journey with you. I promise, I won’t complain too much when the backaches kick in or when the restroom becomes my new favorite place because you like to use my bladder as a pillow. As odd as it sounds, I’m ecstatic for those moments; the challenges, the hardships, the pain, all of it.. because the end result is you and I know you will be worth it.     

    It won’t be long before I get to see your sweet face and smother you with kisses, but until then, I will continue talking to you from out here and doing my very best to keep you safe in there. I try to imagine who you will look like. My nose and daddy’s eyes or maybe daddy’s lips and my chubby cheeks? But regardless, I know that you are going to be the most beautiful baby and your daddy and I are so very blessed.

    I look forward to all of the ‘firsts’ that I will share with you and the many more that will follow after. I am counting down the days until I get to hold you for the very first time. But for now, I find myself reading up on your progress daily to see what new things you can do and how your little body is forming into my very own dream come true. Every day for the rest of my life, I will have you to look forward to.

     I pray for you each and every day, just as I prayed for you long before I knew you existed. I pray that you continue to grow and be healthy and strong so that when you’re ready to finally make your grand entrance, it’s absolutely perfect- just like I know that it will be.

    It’s amazing how many people already love you and ask about you often. Can you imagine how they will be once you arrive? You have so much love surrounding you already, but you just have to promise that mommy and daddy will always be your favorites!

    Little one, you’ve already completely stolen my heart and I will cherish every second that I spend carrying you, not only in my belly, but also in my arms. I am beyond thankful that I have been blessed with you. Life is full of adventures, but this is by far my favorite one.

Love always,

Your mommy.

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There’s A Person Out There Somewhere Looking For Someone Just Like You.

     I believe that there is someone out there for everyone. Some may find their soulmate at 15 years old, while others are lucky at 40, but regardless of when we find them, I believe that there’s a person out there somewhere looking for someone just like you. We date, or at least most of us do, with the hopes of finding the relationship that has the spark that will never burn out. With each relationship, we open our hearts and pray that ‘this one will be it’, that all the tears and the lonely nights have come to an end, but even when we’ve found the one, how do we know for sure? Do we ever really know or do we just take the chance with the person that seems to fit best in our lives, because we’ve been so desperate to find love for so long? There is a difference between loving and being in love and trust me, when you’ve found your person, you will easily be able to discover it. Here are just a few subtle signs that you’re on your way to forever with ‘the one’..

1. You argue.                                                         Yes, that’s right. You disagree and you argue. I know you’re probably thinking I’m crazy for believing that arguing is actually a good thing, but I promise, arguments are key in a strong relationship. They always say that you can’t appreciate the good times, without experiencing the bad too. So don’t start planning the break up as soon as things get tough, we are adults. We should all know by now that nothing in life comes easy (especially not relationships with the opposite sex).

2. You make up.                                                        If you understand that you are both human and make mistakes (don’t get me wrong, there are certain mistakes that this rule doesn’t apply to) and can forgive each other; if you never go to bed angry with one another, and you both learn to compromise because suddenly, it’s not just your own happiness that matters anymore; what you’ve got is something worth holding on to. Making up is the best part about arguing, it’s an opportunity to remember just how much the other person means to you and value the fact that you’re both willing to accept each other’s craziness.

3. You are happy.                                                    Completely and utterly, 100% happy. When being in their presence gives you butterflies and looking into their eyes makes you smile; when doing nothing at all becomes more fun than going out every weekend; when the only time they make you cry is from laughing too hard and you really only get mad when they don’t share their food with you.. Know that what you have together is rare and it’s special. Cherish it.

4. You have no questions, no doubts, no worries.                                                                        You don’t wonder about where they are or what they’re doing, while other people are stalking their significant others’ social media pages to make sure they’re not up to no good. You don’t question when they will be home, because you trust them without a doubt. The two of you are capable of being away from each other, but at the end of the day, you’d much rather be together. When there are no questions because there are no secrets, it’s real. Trust is pertinent in a lasting relationship.

5. You just know.                                                     When they are the first person on your mind when you wake up and the last person you think about before you fall asleep; when it doesn’t matter what happens in life, they are the one you always want by your side and the first person you tell all of your secrets to; when they are your best friend, your partner, your confidant, don’t let go. 

The truth is, there’s always going to be obvious hints that can either make or break a relationship, but when you’ve finally got the right one, it’ll be hard to find all of the words to describe it, there will be no uncertainty. No argument could ever break the bond between the two of you and none of life’s obstacles will bring you down for too long, because your partner on this journey through life will be there helping you back up, every single step of the way. When you’ve got ‘the one’, you will feel it in your gut and know with every inch of your being, that they are your soulmate and your happily ever after. 

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A Letter To The Woman That Raised The Man of My Dreams..

Dear _______,
​It’s me, the girl who will hopefully become your daughter-in-law someday. I just wanted to let you know how grateful I am for you. There are so many remarkable things I could say about you since getting to know you over the last couple years, but the one thing that stands out the most, is your son and the way you raised him. We both know he’s a handful so it couldn’t have been easy, but I praise you for a job well done, as he is truly one of a kind. I just wanted to let you know how much you are appreciated and express my gratitude..

Thank you for accepting me.

You have accepted me into your home and welcomed me with open arms from the very first day I met you. You have made me feel comfortable and it’s as if I am just part of the family. Thank you for your hospitality.

Thank you for teaching your son the definition of trust.

In today’s society, lying and cheating are just part of the norm. It’s not unusual to hear about couples failing due to trust issues, but because you’ve shown him how to be open and honest, I have no worries.

Thank you for setting a good example.

Not just for him, but for me as well. You can light up any room with your free spirit and quirky personality. Sometimes, I question if you ever have a ‘bad’ day. I look up to you for the happiness you bring to your household and I hope to bring the same light to my own family someday.

Thank you for showing him how to love.

You loved him first and it’s because of the way that you loved him that he’s now so passionate and loves so strongly. The support and devotion you’ve given him over the years has helped to shape him into the caring and generous man that he is today. You have such a big heart, as does your son. It’s obvious that he got that trait from you.

Thank you for understanding.

You are always there to listen and to provide advice. Regardless of the situation, you never pass judgment or discernment. You are unbelievably compassionate. We can come to you for anything and talk to you about everything, with no questions asked. You are one of our biggest supporters and it’s truly a blessing to have you.

Thank you for everything.

For letting me in and sharing your son. For giving me some of your cooking tips and sharing all of your knowledge. For believing in me and in your son. For encouraging us as a couple. For laughing with us and showing us what happiness is all about.

I could go on for forever as I think so highly of you, but I will spare you and sum it up. I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I met your son; I definitely didn’t think that I would gain a second family along the way, but I couldn’t imagine things being any different now. Your approval was so very important to me and I am forever thankful to have the relationship that we do now. You raised the love of my life and there are no amount of words that could ever express how truly grateful I am. Thank you for being you.

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10 Ways A Guy Says ‘I love you’ Without Actually Saying It..

As girls, we tend to overthink everything, I mean everything. If an old friend doesn’t smile at us and say hi as we pass them in the store, we automatically assume that they no longer like us. When in reality, they were probably just in such a rush that they didn’t even notice we were there. If a waiter tells us he’s got a coupon for 25% off of alcoholic beverages for the evening; our minds are already trying to find ways to avoid giving him our number because we just know he totally wants our bodies.. When in reality, every waiter/waitress in the restaurant is giving out the same offer to boost their bar sales. When it comes to the opposite sex, no amount of reassurance will ever be enough to settle our wandering minds. You will always question if he loves you and worry when he doesn’t actually say it enough. But take a breather ladies and relax, here are 10 signs that he loves you without even saying a word…

1. He plays with your hair.                                While you’re laying there, binge watching your favorite show on Netflix, you randomly feel him playing with your hair. You didn’t have to ask, beg, or plead. Yup, that’s right, he willing did it on his own because he knows how much you love it. If he didn’t love you, he wouldn’t notice the little things that make you happy, such as, kissing your forehead or playing with your hair after a long stressful day.

2. He talks about you to his friends.                 He doesn’t talk about how the two of you got down and dirty until 3 AM the night before, but he talks about your date night and how awesome the movie was. He tells them how funny it was and how it made you laugh so hard, you were crying and everyone turned to look. He boasts about you and brings you along to hang out. If he didn’t love you, he wouldn’t care to share your totally awesome personality with the guys.

3. He talks about you to his family.                  This is important. His family is the people you really need to impress. So, if he’s not afraid to tell them all about you and talk about the future plans the two of you have made, he’s serious. If he didn’t love you, he wouldn’t care if the people he cares most about like you or not. If he didn’t love you, they probably wouldn’t even know that you exist.

4. He opens the door.                                                 Call me old fashioned, but I believe that chivalry is not dead. If he really loves you, he will do things like, save you the last bite of your favorite meal or pull out your chair when you go out to dinner, just to show that he respects you.

5. He shares the television.                                             We all know how much a guy loves his tv. Whether it be playing Xbox or watching Sports Center, if he gives it up to let you watch Lifetime or whatever reality tv shows you’re into this month, it shows he loves you. Guys wouldn’t sacrifice that for just anyone.

6. He lets you drive.                                            This one might be a little different than you were expecting. Typically the guy does the driving and the buying, but mixing it up a little bit won’t hurt. To some guys, their car or truck is their pride and joy. I mean some guys love it so much that they spend every paycheck they get trying to fix it up; they would probably date it if they could, but that’s not logical though and he has to settle down with someone.. Ladies, we know how we are with our shoes, purses, and other prized possessions, so if he shares his with you whether it be a car or something else, just know, that if he shares, it not only means that he loves you, but it shows that he trusts you as well.

7. He surprises you.                                                 It doesn’t matter if he randomly has flowers sent to your work or if he shows up at your house one evening unannounced, just because he missed you. If he’s willing to put in effort to surprise you every now and then, he loves you.

8. He holds you.                                               Cuddling is a huge stress reliever for both parties involved. So if he turns to you, to hold you and to cuddle, he’s expressing how comfortable and relaxed you make him feel. If he didn’t love you, he’d find something or someone else to turn to when he’s had a bad day. 

9. He laughs with you.                                                Did you know that laughter is a sign of true happiness? If the two of you have fun together and he laughs with you, rather than at you- even though at you is totally acceptable at times- he loves you. It’s proof that he enjoys being with you and that you are both happy.

10. He spends time with you.                       Spending time with each other is key to any relationship. It’s common sense that in order to grow together and for the relationship to work, you must spend quality time hanging out with each other. It doesn’t have to be 24/7, although some of us girls, may expect it to be; any amount of time together is acceptable, as long as it’s a regular thing. If he makes sure to make as much time for you as he possibly can, he loves you. Believe me, he’d fill his calendar with other people or other things if he didn’t.

The bottom line here is that guys don’t always have a way with words. They don’t analyze situations nearly as much as girls do and 99% of the time, they don’t even notice that they haven’t said, ‘I love you’ throughout the day or when they get off the phone. It doesn’t mean that they don’t love us, they just have different ways of showing it. If your hesitant or doubting his feelings, just remember ladies, actions speak louder than words.

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I Believe..

I believe in chasing your dreams, going after something, seeing the unseen.

I believe in love until death do us part,

putting in effort, pouring out your heart.

I believe in destiny and in fate,

pushing on before it’s too late.

I believe in equality and being unique,

never being afraid to stand up and speak.

I believe in trust and in honesty,

letting someone in, having serenity.

I believe in just living life,

taking on each obstacle with all of your might.

I believe in giving your all,

taking a chance and not being afraid to fall.

I believe in you and me,

conquering everything, making the perfect team.

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I Miss You.

Letting go never seems fair, but holding on is too much to bare.

Nothing is the same without you there.

People always tell me that this will get easier, I’ll eventually move on,

But I haven’t been the same, since you’ve been gone.

I try to accept it and hide the pain I feel,

But this hurt always reminds me, that this is all too real.

I miss your laugh and the way you made me smile,

What I wouldn’t give to sit with you for awhile.

Whatever you are doing, wherever you may be,

Please continue looking out for me.

I know that we will meet again someday,

But until then I’ll hold on to our memories as I’ve done since you went away.

I love you and I miss you more, every single day.